Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Hello All , I've had a horrible day ! I got stopped for speeding this morning and thought well just maybe I could talk my way out of the ticket.

So I got my License and Registration out and waited patiently for him to approach my car .

As he walked up I opened my window and proceeded to prepare myself to logically explain my way out of the ticket.

Obviously his speed gun has malfunctioned . There is No Possible way I could have been driving that fast ! I pondered various approaches , each with a logical explanation of why I couldn't possibly be at fault and therefore not warrant a ticket .

As if he was reading my mind , he took one look in the back seat of my car and as he smiled , he told me to save it , no use even trying . I was getting a ticket and there was no way out of it.

Confused , I looked in the back seat to see what could possible bus such damning evidence ?


I guess I've Got A Ticket To Pay For !!

Lil Traitor supposed to be MY best Friend !!

Friday, September 11, 2009

HawlMark , The Bad Days

Ever Wonder What Happens When HawlMark Writers Have Bad Days ?

I Mean ALL OF US Have Bad Days.

So. Research has been done and this is what we found in the dumpster outside .

Look through these please and let me know your thoughts. personally there are a couple I would have bought !

Example Cards


My Tire Was Thumping
I Thought it was flat

I got out and checked
and found it was your cat !

So Sorry !!

Example # 2

So Your Daughters a Hooker
and its spoiled your day !

Look on the bright side
She makes realllyyyyy good pay !

So Sorry

Example # 3

I heard your wife left you
How grieved you must be .

Your problems are mine
she moved in with me !

So Sorry


Looking Over the years
tears , toil, and joking

I now have to wonder
what the hell was I smoking !

Happy Anniversary

Example # 2

I've always desired someone to hold
a person to love , to cherish , and have to grow old

After 5 years of Marriage
In reflection I find

If Forever's Like this
Then I've Changed my Mind !


I never imagined
religion in life

all that's been changed
since you've been my wife

from day one , it was easy to tell
with this in my future
there MUST be a hell


Since the beginning ,the day we first met
The die was cast the stage was set

you helped me grow up from being a lad
I wish you HAPPY Birthday

My Dear " UNCLE DAD "

( available in selected states only )

Example # 2

Happy Birthday dear friend , Your Older than me
But the days have been kind, to You I can see

after all your plastic surgery, silicon, teeth , and hair spike
I am amazed at the outcome ,You look almost lifelike !!

Example #3

All your friends decided something special to do
we sat and we drank and thought it all through

A Pet we all thought , A dog ? Cat? or a Sheep?
then we decided , what the hell, we'll just put
YOU to sleep !

Happy Birthday

Breaking Up

When we were together you said you would be
always around a protection for me.

I'll die for you, you said, everyone heard
now please be a man and go keep your word


Congrats on the promotion, it is given to show
the hard work and dedication all came to know

To bad it was MY work , covering YOUR slack
so when you move to your office
don't forget your knife in my back !


As the days pass by , I know how lucky I am
beautiful sunsets , great drinks , pretty women , white sand

I appreciate your hard work back in the office you see
and I am so damn glad your not here , to ruin this for me

Well What did ya think you were gonna read ?

Friday, September 4, 2009

Any One relate to This ?

Maybe I Should Ask The Husbands ??

Everyone Meet The CANDLELADY !!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Duffer Golf Update Votes Needed !

I ran Across this recently and have decided I want to get the needed Signatures to get these long needed rule changes taken seriously and admitted to the Golf Rules Book .

Vote Now !!

Duffer Golfer Rules

Rule 1.a.5
A ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and placed on the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled into the rough
with no penalty
. The Duffer should not be penalized for tall grass which
ground keepers failed to mow

Rule 2.d.6 (b)
A ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree. This is
simply bad luck and luck has no place in a scientific game.
The Duffer
must estimate the distance the ball would have traveled if it had not
hit the tree and play the ball from there.

Rule 3.b.3(g)
There shall be no such thing as a lost ball. The missing ball is on or near
the course and will eventually be found and pocketed by someone else, making
it a stolen ball. The Duffer is not to compound the felony by charging
himself or herself with a penalty.

Rule 4.c.7(h)
If a putt passes over a hole without dropping, it is deemed to have dropped.
The law of gravity supersedes the Rules of Golf.

Rule 5.
Putts that stop close enough to the cup that they could be blown in, may be
blown in
. This does not apply to balls more than three inches from the hole.
No one wants to make a travesty of the game

Rule 6.a.9(k)
There is no penalty for so-called "out of bounds
." If penny-pinching golf course owners bought sufficient land, this would not occur. The Duffer
deserves an apology, not a penalty.

Rule 7.g.15(z)
There is no penalty for a ball in a water hazard, as golf balls should
. Duffers should not be penalized for manufacturers'

Rule 8.k.9(s)
Advertisements claim that golf scores can be improved by purchasing new golf
equipment. Since this is financially impractical for many
Duffer golfers,
one-half stroke per hole may be subtracted for using any prior year's (then
brand new ... and still perfectly serviceable) golf equipment or terms such
as: "brassy", "niblick", "mashy", or "The hell you say!".

Please advise all Duffer friends of these important changes, and carry a
copy with you at all times, so you may successfully defend yourself should
your wife or any smart-alecky young male challenge any of these clearly improved, perfectly reasoned, impeccably fair and long overdue new rules