What is " OLD " ?

I had someone recently say i was an OLD man ! Do You Believe that , just cause im a Grandpa now im old sheessssssssssh ! So I decided to attack the Old concept . This is a little of what i've found . PLEASE feel free to add to the list !



( 1 ) 'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love" and you answer, " Pick one Baby ; There is NO WAY I can't do both" !

( 2 ) 'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

( 3 ) 'OLD' IS WHEN...
A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door and starts the coffeepot !

( 4 ) 'OLD' IS WHEN..
Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face and adds 12" to your waist line!

( 5 ) 'OLD' IS WHEN...
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. ( See # 1 )

( 6 ) 'OLD' IS WHEN...
The only Speed in your life gets You cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police !

( 7 ) 'OLD' IS WHEN. ..
"Getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today!

( 8 ) 'OLD' IS WHEN...
"Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot!

( 9 ) 'OLD' IS WHEN...
An "all nighter" means not getting up to use the bathroom!

( 10 ) 'OLD IS WHEN" ...
" Daily Execise" means watching hot girls doing aerobics on tv ! ( see # 3 )

( 11 ) 'OLD IS WHEN'...

Stuff hurts this morning that didnt hurt yesterday !

( 12 ) 'OLD IS WHEN'...

Your Glad its hurtin , cause ya know its sill WORKING !

AND


( 13 ) 'OLD' IS WHEN..
You really dont think the above Jokes are Funny !

Woman Speak For Dummies !!

The Following Is A small excerpt from the acclaimed Woman speak for Dummies Available at your Finer Book Stores In the US . I hope This helps all Men To be Better Prepared To Face The Daily Woman Challenge !




(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.


(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.


(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in Fine. ( See # 1 )


(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!


(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)


(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.


(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever').


(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying ( Go Ahead Stupid ! See #4 )


(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' ( For the woman's response refer to # 3. )

(10) The Look: This is NON VERBAL Communication that has the effect of implying the words " Fine" ( see Rule # 1) " Go Ahead " ( See Rule # 4 ) and "WhatEver" ( See Rule # 8 ) At The Same Moment !

I hope that this little Education helps all men to avoid the Look that usually accompanies all the above rules .